What It Feels Like to Leave the Mormon Church

A Homosexual's Tale...

This morning on my MSN.com home page, I found the following article telling the story, in his own words, of a homosexual member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, who, when push came to shove, chose the expression of his homosexuality over the sexually disciplined lifestyle required by the Christian faith taught in the LDS Church:

What It Feels Like to Leave the Mormon Church

I posted the following in the comments section of the article:

The nature of Joseph Smith's proposition and challenge to the world - the glorious restoration from heaven of the true Gospel of Jesus Christ (lost from the earth for nearly two millennia) and its divinely empowered modern-day institutional expression, the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - "the only true and living church on the face of the whole earth" (D&C 1) makes it an all-or-nothing proposition.

It's either the truth - the modern-day work of God - or a colossal lie.

That's the question - not how you "feel" about it, not how it suits you personally, but whether or not it's the truth.

If one determines it to be truth, then one is obligated to conform to and comport with the way of life the revealed knowledge requires - a hard road, to be sure, but you get what you pay for:

"Strait is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and few there be that find it." - Jesus Christ

God's word has not changed. That same God (Yahweh/Jesus) who in ancient times declared homosexual practice an "abomination" is the same unchanging God who appeared in 1820 to the 14-year-old Joseph Smith to get the modern-day Gospel and work of God rolling again in modern times.

Bret had to make a choice. He took the easy way out and put God, his Gospel and church in the wrong.

Again, you get what you pay for.

Reading this fellow's account of the challenges he faced - and ultimately failed to measure up to - as a homosexual member of the LDS Church, I thought back on my own experience as a much younger man before I was married. I was quite long in the tooth - about 37 years old - before I found the superb woman who became my life partner.

I had, like Bret Evans, been raised in the LDS Church, which accident of birth didn't automatically make me an enlightened, committed Christian. However, in my early young manhood, I had a powerful and extraordinary road-to-Damascus experience that was profoundly convincing regarding the truth of Joseph Smith's claims and the founding of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Thus, still wet behind the ears, I ventured out into the world - particularly the Asian part of it where sex is easy - with firm convictions about what I knew to be true and my commitment and obligation before God to live according to that knowledge. That, of course, included what many today would consider an unrealistically harsh personal discipline when it came to sexual behavior - no sex before marriage, and, after that, sex only with one's wife.

But I had no wife, and I didn’t for many years.

As much as I longed for and looked forward to being married and having a family, I lived a long time alone in a part of the world where, if one was so inclined, casual companionship and cheap sex was available at the snap of one's fingers. I looked with envy upon my LDS friends who were married and had children - but, year after year, though I was socially active and involved, it just wasn't happening for me. The thought of lowering my standards did occur but was repugnant to me. I knew what God required.

During those times, I was continually presented with opportunities - some of them extremely attractive (not just sex but money) - to compromise my faith, knowledge and commitments to God in this critical area of my life (I can remember one particularly dicey circumstance I found myself in in Singapore with a rich man’s daughter that was very reminiscent of Joseph's (Jacob's son, Joseph in Egypt) when he literally had to flee from the clutches of the lustful wife of Potifar, captain of the king's guard).

But, unlike Bret, as distressing as I found the prosect, I was quite prepared to live a life of celibacy as long as necessary - all my life, if that's how it turned out - in order to be true to my commitments before God.

Now, here is my question: how did Bret's circumstances differ from mine?

The first difference, it seems to me, was in the superficial fact that Bret had same-sex attraction to deal with while mine was the normal heterosexual variety. Were the demands of his attraction any more difficult to deal with than mine? I think not. In both our cases, we had to make a choice - either to cave in to the relentless demands of the Natural Man (Book of Mormon, Mosiah 3:19) - thereby sacrificing our commitments and covenants before God - or hold on the way and stay true to those commitments, whatever the cost.

The second big difference between Bret's circumstances and mine is that, however difficult the road, I was prepared to pay the requisite price for my faith and Christian commitment, and Bret was not. When push came to shove, he bailed. I didn't.

In making these comments, I don't intend to brag or to represent myself as some mighty tower of Christian strength and virtue. Indeed, though I believe my desires were right in the eyes of God, I got battered and bruised during those years and do not think I could have persevered and endured what I had to endure without the grace of God to sustain me - which grace I believe he extends to all who sincerely believe and put their trust in him. Indeed, during this extended trial of my faith and commitment, there were times when I felt exactly like this:

Fortunately, I stuck with it, toughed it out, and in my 38th year the good Lord blessed me with this - the best thing that ever happened to me after believing in Jesus:

Though the status and fate of those afflicted with same-sex attraction continues to be debated by the leadership and membership of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I am not among those who believe some sort of special latitude should be extended to those challenged by same-sex attraction. Life is a hard road for all of us, and Satan will get at us any way he can, if we let him. You either hang in there and pass muster or you don’t. What is the greater accomplishment - caving in to the Natural Man or enduring to the end in doing what is right in God’s eyes?

As an early mentor of mine taught, always ask yourself three questions:

(1) What do I want?

(2) What do I have to do to get it?

(3) Is it worth it to me?

The non-negotiable, uncompromising standard that leads to life and glory was set long ago, not by man but by God, and the challenge is the same for all. Who will choose to submit to the Godly discipline that puts an end to the Natural Man and opens the way to sainthood, and who will rationalize, as Bret did, and put God in the wrong?

That’s the stuff life is made of…

Right vs. wrong, truth vs. lies, reality vs. fantasy, order vs. chaos, law vs. lawlessness, liberty vs. tyranny, patriotism vs. treason, light vs. darkness, happiness vs. misery, God vs. the Godless…

Torquemada